FEBRUARY 11, 1994
GAY PEOPLE'S CHRONICLE B-3
FROM THE HART
Advice on striking up conversations
Advice on love, relationships and other issues relevant to sexual minorities.
Dear Taylor,
by Taylor Hart
I am a thirty-four year old lesbian who has trouble approaching women in bars. I just don't know what to say to them. I am not shy with my friends or other people that I meet, but if I think a woman is attractive and that I might be interested in her romantically I just get nervous and tongue-tied.
Please, Taylor, I really need your help! I'm tired of seeing opportunities pass me by. Can you suggest some great lines that I could use on these beautiful ladies? How should I start a conversation with a total stranger?
Dear Rose,
The Rose from Montrose
Try saying, "Hello." It's a great ice breaker!
I know that it might seem that I am being a bit of a cad by answering your question this way, but it really is that simple. Approaching someone in a bar and just saying hello expresses your interest in the other person and implies that you would like to make conversation with her. Imagine that! All in one simple little word. Hello.
Follow up that hello by saying, “My name is Rose. What is your name?" Remember to smile and look interested.
Forget using clever lines. Lines always sound like lines. Lines sound rehearsed, insincere and impersonal. A much better alternative is to ask questions. People love to talk about themselves! All great conversationalists know that the key to great conversation is asking questions and paying close attention to the answers you then receive. A very nice way to start the conversation is to compliment the person on an article of clothing she is wearing and ask where she bought it. Or ask them if they are enjoying themselves or the surroundings. Try to draw the person out into a light conversation. Now is not the time for per-
sonal questions or debating issues. A simple, "So how are you this evening?" will suffice.
Also try to keep yourself from exaggerating the importance of making this initial contact. Though no one "enjoys" being rejected, it is definitely not the end of the world. Placing too much importance on meeting someone will just make you nervous and seem over-eager. Remember, she is just another person. She is not judge and jury deciding your self worth. Good luck!
Dear Taylor,
I am writing because I am confused about a few things. I am a twenty-six year old gay white male who enjoys dressing in drag and I can't figure out why gay men aren't attracted to me when I'm not in drag. When I'm in drag they can't get enough of me.
I think that I am very attractive either way. I would like to know what you think. What is the reason for this? Don't gay men prefer regular guys and not queens?
Sissy or Macho
P.S. I really enjoy your column! Happy New Year, Jane!
Dear S/M,
Gay men enjoy all types of men: masculine and feminine, tall and short, fat and skinny, blonde, red head and brunette. The type of man a gay man prefers is a matter of personal choice and it varies from person to person. Just as people vary, so do their likes and dislikes. It is possible then that some men prefer your company only when you are in drag. But most often it probably has more to do with how your behavior is affected by the changing of your appearance. In simpler terms, you probably behave differently in drag than you do when you are not in drag.
The next time you are in drag and enjoying the company of those around you, try to pay attention to your behavior. How are you acting differently? Are you more confident in drag? Are you more talkative? Are you funnier? What is it that you are able to share
with people when you are in drag that you cannot share when you are out of drag? The answers to these questions holds the key for which you are looking. Perhaps drag allows you to be more of yourself. But it is possible to be yourself all the time! In or out of a dress!
You're going to have to learn to like yourself all of the time. You're going to have to learn to be able to express yourself most of the time without the unnecessary fear of how others might react. You can't control everyone's opinion of yourself.
People are attracted to sincerity. Learn to love yourself and others will love you too! P.S. I'm so very glad that you enjoy my column. Happy New Year to you too, Jane!
Dear Taylor,
What's the meaning of life?
Dear Jon-Jon,
Jon-Jon
Good food, good sex and my column! 'Nuf said! (snap)
Need help with your love life? Taylor welcomes your questions. Send them to Taylor Hart, care of the Chronicle, P.O. Box 5426, Cleveland, 44101.
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